“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.” Khāja Shamsu Dīn Muhammad Hāfez-e Shīrāzī known by his pen name Hāfez (1325/–1389). Brief, to the point and so beautiful.
Thinking about it, Mindfulness is poetry and poetry is Mindful. Mindfulness can be beautiful, poetry can be beautiful. Both can be inspirational, restful, peaceful, inspiring. Both can act as reminders of the amazing place the world can be, both can help us appreciate the sun, the breeze, the autumn leaves that adorn the trees.
Contentment is such a fabulous state of mind. No need to jump for joy, just soaking up the here and now, just appreciating the little things in life, feels so good.
Today, on National Poetry Day, I have discovered that poetry really should be part of my life just as Mindfulness now is. I have always loved poetry but have made the decision that it should be a greater part of my life. Expanding my knowledge, (or lack of) of not just English poetry but also poetry from all over the world is now on the Agenda. I had better drops hint to hubby so he can get me a few Collections of Poems books!!
Hoping to be save up so that I can have one to one Mindful session or even group ones. Think that will be in 2013 but ready to be patient.
Off the Meditate Mindfully!
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
oh yes! It is all coming together
Oops. 2 months since last blog. Must do better!
What a fab 2 weeks: Weird how for some weird reason the Mindfulness, CBT etc is only really and truly kicking in now. And of course, emotional stability and happiness means physical wellbeing, ie weight loss! Whoo Hoo. Am making sure that Mindful Meditation is part of my daily life and currently started another 7 week program which is part of the book "Mindfulness, Finding Peace in a frantic World" by Mark Williams, one of the co-authors of another book I mentioned in previous blogs, The Mindulf Way Through Depression.
In the last few weeks many famous names have "come out" and admitted to having add mental health issues: Ruby Wax, Kelly Holmes, Victoria Pendleton.... Very brave of them. But so important to make the world know that all forms of depression can affect anyone whatever your background etc...
I am appreciating life, appreciating the sun and the rain, the heat and the cold, the easy days and the hard days, my books, my music, so many things, big and small. The trivial daily mundane happenings, the big events of our lives.... Long may it continue.
I shall carry on with meditation. Today's prescription is as follows
- mindfulness of body and breath (twice)
- Mindfulness of Breath (different to above)
- Mindfulness of Body (different to above)
- Mindful standing yoga
- Three minute breathing Space (twice)
- Awareness of pleasant and unpleasant events
- Carrying out one daily routine mindfully, paying attention to detail
So a good 40mn of meditation. Don’t get me wrong, meditation is NOT easy. Often brings tears, sometimes I have to stop in the middle of a session if it gets really too hard. But part of Mindfulness is not to be harsh on yourself. And so I am learning, slowly but surely, that even if I am unable, occasionally, to complete a task I set myself, then that is fine and that I can do the task the following day. Not easy, and of course to berate yourself can be so much easier that being kind to yourself. Learning to be accepting of yourself is bloody hard work, but can be done. I am getting there. I think.
Take care everyone xx
What a fab 2 weeks: Weird how for some weird reason the Mindfulness, CBT etc is only really and truly kicking in now. And of course, emotional stability and happiness means physical wellbeing, ie weight loss! Whoo Hoo. Am making sure that Mindful Meditation is part of my daily life and currently started another 7 week program which is part of the book "Mindfulness, Finding Peace in a frantic World" by Mark Williams, one of the co-authors of another book I mentioned in previous blogs, The Mindulf Way Through Depression.
In the last few weeks many famous names have "come out" and admitted to having add mental health issues: Ruby Wax, Kelly Holmes, Victoria Pendleton.... Very brave of them. But so important to make the world know that all forms of depression can affect anyone whatever your background etc...
I am appreciating life, appreciating the sun and the rain, the heat and the cold, the easy days and the hard days, my books, my music, so many things, big and small. The trivial daily mundane happenings, the big events of our lives.... Long may it continue.
I shall carry on with meditation. Today's prescription is as follows
- mindfulness of body and breath (twice)
- Mindfulness of Breath (different to above)
- Mindfulness of Body (different to above)
- Mindful standing yoga
- Three minute breathing Space (twice)
- Awareness of pleasant and unpleasant events
- Carrying out one daily routine mindfully, paying attention to detail
So a good 40mn of meditation. Don’t get me wrong, meditation is NOT easy. Often brings tears, sometimes I have to stop in the middle of a session if it gets really too hard. But part of Mindfulness is not to be harsh on yourself. And so I am learning, slowly but surely, that even if I am unable, occasionally, to complete a task I set myself, then that is fine and that I can do the task the following day. Not easy, and of course to berate yourself can be so much easier that being kind to yourself. Learning to be accepting of yourself is bloody hard work, but can be done. I am getting there. I think.
Take care everyone xx
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Happy days, cycling, and of course Mindfulness
Happy days: for some reason I have had an amazing week. Long cycle along a beautiful river with fabulous children and hubby was bliss, enjoyable, fun, enjoyable. Hadn't been on a bike ride in months and had forgotten how fabulous it can be. Admittedly I found the ride far easier that I would have has a year ago when I was not just down the dumps mentally but also larger and less fit that I am. (still fat but not as fat lol). What a difference a year makes. Strike that, what a difference a few months make. This week I have truly enjoyed my children's company, I have truly enjoyed cooking, eating, reading and even enjoyed, (well, not hated) cleaning the house!!! Blimey, the changes are happening!! Finally, finally.... I feel like a different person. Still have bad days of course, still have moments when self doubt and name calling happen, but just BEING AWARE of this makes the different. Name calling is no longer happening 10 times a day. It might happen once a day but when it happens I can now say to myself : "you have just called yourself this, do you really believe it? is it reality or just a passing thought? why have you called yourself this name? is there a reason .."
All this because of MINDFULNESS!!!!! This is my new pet word. my mantra. I can feel mindfulness changing my life. Would I have been able to practise mindfulness without CBT. Absolutely no way. Would I have been able to do CBT without happy pills. Absolutely no way. So thanks to GP for giving me anti-depressants for helping me do cbt for helping me do mindfulness. Phew. "Mindfulness is the awareness that arises from paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, non judgmentally, to things as they are". "Mindfulness is intentional, non judgemental, experimental". (both these quotes are from Mindfulness through Depression).
Leave you with a poem by R.S.Thomas, The Bright Field
I have seen the sun break through
to illuminate a small field
for a while, and gone my way
and forgotten about it. But that was the pearl
of great price, the one field that had
the treasure in it. I realise now
that I must give all that I have
to possess it.......
All this because of MINDFULNESS!!!!! This is my new pet word. my mantra. I can feel mindfulness changing my life. Would I have been able to practise mindfulness without CBT. Absolutely no way. Would I have been able to do CBT without happy pills. Absolutely no way. So thanks to GP for giving me anti-depressants for helping me do cbt for helping me do mindfulness. Phew. "Mindfulness is the awareness that arises from paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, non judgmentally, to things as they are". "Mindfulness is intentional, non judgemental, experimental". (both these quotes are from Mindfulness through Depression).
Leave you with a poem by R.S.Thomas, The Bright Field
I have seen the sun break through
to illuminate a small field
for a while, and gone my way
and forgotten about it. But that was the pearl
of great price, the one field that had
the treasure in it. I realise now
that I must give all that I have
to possess it.......
Wednesday, 4 July 2012
Mindfulness, soothing voices, beautiful poems...
As promised I have started afresh. Back to week 1 of the mindfulness course I talked about earlier. How restful, how peaceful, how amazing.
Last week I had a catch up session with Mr T who conducted a 30mn one on one mindfulness exercise. During that half hour he said something that stuck with me: try and delay reacting to your sensations. (except he said it better than that). in other words, and this is my interpretation of it, if during the body scan or other meditation session you are doing, you feel an itch for example, then don't scratch. Just feel the sensation, feel the tingling but wait before reacting to it. It may well go away. And of course if does! I suppose this idea behind this, and again this is my own interpretation of this, is that if you can wait a while before scratching your nose, cracking your knuckles, stretching your neck, then maybe you can wait a while before losing your rag if you break something, you can delay getting overtly upset if someone ignores you and instead you can think about the incident and give it some thought: is it such a big deal that I broke a plate? If my friend turned down my offer of a cuppa is it really because she hates me or is it because she is really busy??
The poet Roger Keyes (just discovered a poem by him in another book about mindfulness) writes “Hokusai says pay attention, notice, He says keep looking, stay Curious, He says there is no end to seeing”
Last week I had a catch up session with Mr T who conducted a 30mn one on one mindfulness exercise. During that half hour he said something that stuck with me: try and delay reacting to your sensations. (except he said it better than that). in other words, and this is my interpretation of it, if during the body scan or other meditation session you are doing, you feel an itch for example, then don't scratch. Just feel the sensation, feel the tingling but wait before reacting to it. It may well go away. And of course if does! I suppose this idea behind this, and again this is my own interpretation of this, is that if you can wait a while before scratching your nose, cracking your knuckles, stretching your neck, then maybe you can wait a while before losing your rag if you break something, you can delay getting overtly upset if someone ignores you and instead you can think about the incident and give it some thought: is it such a big deal that I broke a plate? If my friend turned down my offer of a cuppa is it really because she hates me or is it because she is really busy??
The poet Roger Keyes (just discovered a poem by him in another book about mindfulness) writes “Hokusai says pay attention, notice, He says keep looking, stay Curious, He says there is no end to seeing”
The last 30mn of the session with Mr T was trying to put into words what doing that meditation practice was like. Hard to put into words really. The hardest part is the acceptance. Acceptance of who you are, of how you feel, how you react… Not being judgmental. Mindfulness seems to be about acceptance.
Not being judgmental!! Hard, hard, hard and seemingly impossible.
Would love to find a Mindfulness group in my area but they still seem few and few between.
I understand the concept of mindfulness. I think. I have started reading a second book about it entitled “Mindfulness a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world”. Again I find the idea so appealing. I understand the idea that Mindfulness is non-judgemental. I understand the idea that “our thoughts are passing mental events and not reality itself”. I understand the idea that you should “bring a spirit of gentleness, kindness and compassion to ourselves”. I understand the IDEA…. But understanding a idea is not necessarily an ability to put it into practice.
The next few weeks will be filled with following the CD mindfulness exercise. The step after that is finding a job so as to have the available funds to pay for a proper Mindfulness course run by an actual human being rather that a voice on a CD no matter how soothing that voice may be.
Really feeling a new found optimism.
I will leave you with a few more words from the poem “Hokusai Says” by Roger Keyes.
“It matter that you care.
It matters that you feel
It matters that you notice
…..
Don’t be afraid.
Look, feel. Let live take you by the hand.
Let life live through you.”
Monday, 11 June 2012
Starting over, again.
6 weeks of no blogging means 6 weeks of doing naff all regarding conquering depression. had the best of intentions of completing 7 to 8 week course of the Mindful Way Through Depression but fell at the 4th hurdle ie week 4. And what a difference it has made. Not continuing the program has meant the return of some of the demons and the return, to some extent, of the black dog. Still much better than a year ago, but the slope is very slippery and so I find myself wanting to climb back up before I end up in the same quagmire.
So here goes, not one to be defeated I am starting afresh. Back to week one and therefore back to the bodyscan. Which means back to 30mn of complete relaxation and meditation.
Know I need a push, so I shall be contacting Mr T for one last appointment in the hope that he can steer me in the right direction.
Here goes then.
So here goes, not one to be defeated I am starting afresh. Back to week one and therefore back to the bodyscan. Which means back to 30mn of complete relaxation and meditation.
Know I need a push, so I shall be contacting Mr T for one last appointment in the hope that he can steer me in the right direction.
Here goes then.
Monday, 23 April 2012
Mindfulness, week 3
Carrying on with the Mindfulness Program, week 3 is coming to an end and week 4 about to commence. Week 3 included:
1- unpleasant events calendar: making note, once a day, after an unpleasant event, of the impact this event had on your body (physical feeling of the event), on your mind (what thoughts were in your mind at time of event), what emotions accompanied even and what the thoughts are in your mind at the time of reporting the event. The unpleasant event need not be anything drastic, just something that sets you off: spilling milk, someone not acknowledging you.... This is actually quite hard to do. it is one thing being aware of a sense of annoyance, anger, frustration etc but putting it into word and differentiating between thoughts and emotions and even physical sensations can be hard to describe. You feel it, but expressing it in words is much much harder.
2- Three minute breathing space: listening to the voice of Jon Kabat Zinn guiding you through a mindful breathing time. Surprisingly relaxing. At least for me. I was expecting tears, tension but in fact the soothing voice enables the mind to not wonder too much, and for dark thoughts to come flooding in. They are sometimes presents, but in smaller doses than I expected, and for me that is an enormous achievement.
3- Mindful Standing Yoga (10mn), mindfulness of breath (10mn) and Mindfulness of Breath and Body (10mn). Again, following a CD reading by same soothing voice. Harder, much harder than the three-minute breathing space and this one is a total of 30mn of mindfulness, of meditative state. Which means far more opportunities for "Those Feelings #" to come back. Far more time for negativity to re-enter the mind, far more time for the mind to wander away from the exercise and into an unwanted darkness and negativity. Except....... part of the point of Mindfulness, as I understand it, is to not berate yourself for having these thoughts. Whereas before I would not only think negative thoughts, I would also has fuel to fire by berating myself for even having those thoughts. Something along the lines of "you stupid woman blah blah, what is the point blah blah".. followed by "there you go again you stupid cow, you are incapable of thinking of nice things you thick fat b*tch. BUT!!! This is where the mindfulness kicks in: if the first thoughts appear, instead of berating yourself you try and accept the thoughts for what they are. Think "oh, I have just though badly about myself, I wonder why, but it doesn't matter because these things happen, if the mind wonders of into negativity don't beat yourself up for it, just accept it, make peace with it. Remind yourself that: those thoughts are just a passing mental event, not reality itself. WOW.I cannot express how sensational it feels to be able to think that way. And the amazing Jon with is peaceful voice then brings you back, should you wish it, to concentrating on your breath, on the awareness of your body, your feelings of mindfulness, of serenity.
Never, ever, has a book been so influential in my life, never ever has the voice of a complete stranger been able to transform my outlook of life. I know that there is still soooo much for me to learn in terms of mediation and mindfulness, so much progress for me to make in the art of mastering the mindful breathing etc... but, I cannot put into word just how powerful the words of wisdom in the book and the CD are.
I still have another number of weeks before "completing" the program , and yes I am aware that I will need to carry on with this Mindfulness business for many months, or even years, probably forever. And as the days, weeks, months pass I will get better at it. In the meantime I shall carry on with the schedule.
Week 4 will be pretty much the same as week 3, the only change being that I will no longer need to keep either the pleasant or the unpleasant events calendar. I will however need to just be aware of when either pleasant or unpleasant event happens, and respond to them in a kinder more respectful way than I would otherwise have done.
Off to meditate now :)
1- unpleasant events calendar: making note, once a day, after an unpleasant event, of the impact this event had on your body (physical feeling of the event), on your mind (what thoughts were in your mind at time of event), what emotions accompanied even and what the thoughts are in your mind at the time of reporting the event. The unpleasant event need not be anything drastic, just something that sets you off: spilling milk, someone not acknowledging you.... This is actually quite hard to do. it is one thing being aware of a sense of annoyance, anger, frustration etc but putting it into word and differentiating between thoughts and emotions and even physical sensations can be hard to describe. You feel it, but expressing it in words is much much harder.
2- Three minute breathing space: listening to the voice of Jon Kabat Zinn guiding you through a mindful breathing time. Surprisingly relaxing. At least for me. I was expecting tears, tension but in fact the soothing voice enables the mind to not wonder too much, and for dark thoughts to come flooding in. They are sometimes presents, but in smaller doses than I expected, and for me that is an enormous achievement.
3- Mindful Standing Yoga (10mn), mindfulness of breath (10mn) and Mindfulness of Breath and Body (10mn). Again, following a CD reading by same soothing voice. Harder, much harder than the three-minute breathing space and this one is a total of 30mn of mindfulness, of meditative state. Which means far more opportunities for "Those Feelings #" to come back. Far more time for negativity to re-enter the mind, far more time for the mind to wander away from the exercise and into an unwanted darkness and negativity. Except....... part of the point of Mindfulness, as I understand it, is to not berate yourself for having these thoughts. Whereas before I would not only think negative thoughts, I would also has fuel to fire by berating myself for even having those thoughts. Something along the lines of "you stupid woman blah blah, what is the point blah blah".. followed by "there you go again you stupid cow, you are incapable of thinking of nice things you thick fat b*tch. BUT!!! This is where the mindfulness kicks in: if the first thoughts appear, instead of berating yourself you try and accept the thoughts for what they are. Think "oh, I have just though badly about myself, I wonder why, but it doesn't matter because these things happen, if the mind wonders of into negativity don't beat yourself up for it, just accept it, make peace with it. Remind yourself that: those thoughts are just a passing mental event, not reality itself. WOW.I cannot express how sensational it feels to be able to think that way. And the amazing Jon with is peaceful voice then brings you back, should you wish it, to concentrating on your breath, on the awareness of your body, your feelings of mindfulness, of serenity.
Never, ever, has a book been so influential in my life, never ever has the voice of a complete stranger been able to transform my outlook of life. I know that there is still soooo much for me to learn in terms of mediation and mindfulness, so much progress for me to make in the art of mastering the mindful breathing etc... but, I cannot put into word just how powerful the words of wisdom in the book and the CD are.
I still have another number of weeks before "completing" the program , and yes I am aware that I will need to carry on with this Mindfulness business for many months, or even years, probably forever. And as the days, weeks, months pass I will get better at it. In the meantime I shall carry on with the schedule.
Week 4 will be pretty much the same as week 3, the only change being that I will no longer need to keep either the pleasant or the unpleasant events calendar. I will however need to just be aware of when either pleasant or unpleasant event happens, and respond to them in a kinder more respectful way than I would otherwise have done.
Off to meditate now :)
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Report on progress of Mindulfness Pogram
Well, started the 7/8 week program. Week one went swimmingly: carried out the 30mn body scan daily, and actually got into it far more than I expected. I though that I would hate it , get bored, tearful, feel loathsome. And none of this happened!! It was surprisingly relaxing, I managed to bring my thoughts back to the exercise whenever the wondered off (the amazing narrator reminds you throughout that it is OK for the mind to wonder, and not to feel guilty about it), I managed to feel the various parts of the body: toes, ankle, shin etc.. all the way to the top of the cranium. Fascinating stuff, and really got into it. Every day I was looking forward to this 30mn of meditation.
Week two was similar, with the addition of the "enjoyable experience! diary: just once a day being aware of something, no matter how small, which you enjoy, and making a note of it, and describing the emotional and physical feeling that came with it. Again, this gave me an awareness of little things which put a smile to my face which I don't always notice.
Week three a bit more of a struggle. Time wise: instead of just needing to find 30mn of peace and tranquillity for meditation (easy, even with kiddies off school), a whole hour was needed. And that, I'm afraid to say, was unachievable. But kiddies back at school next week, so I shall get into week 3 whole heartedly. That does not mean that I have been resting on my laurels the past few days, I am still trying to be "mindful" of everyday activities and be more "aware" of happenings, events etc.. so the time has not been wasted.
On a slight downer, for me at least, is the dreaded parental visit and with that arguing, arguing and more arguing. Between two grownup people who have been married for 45 odd years. Can't stand it. But I am able to cope with the venomous relationship between my parents in a much better way than I used to, thanks to the words of wisdom that Mr T gave me way back last year, at session 6 or 7 of the therapy. Every time a argument starts, I am able to remove myself from the situation and remind myself that it is their relationship, not mine, that nothing I can do or say will change anything. Still hurts mind you, still tears every fibre of my body, still have nightmares about it. But more bearable. Less stressful. Thank you Mr T. And thank you to my amazingly patient hubby who is always there to comfort me, without whom I couldn't cope.
Ta ta for now. will report on week three of program which includes yoga and more mindfulness.
Best investment I ever made, this book is.
Week two was similar, with the addition of the "enjoyable experience! diary: just once a day being aware of something, no matter how small, which you enjoy, and making a note of it, and describing the emotional and physical feeling that came with it. Again, this gave me an awareness of little things which put a smile to my face which I don't always notice.
Week three a bit more of a struggle. Time wise: instead of just needing to find 30mn of peace and tranquillity for meditation (easy, even with kiddies off school), a whole hour was needed. And that, I'm afraid to say, was unachievable. But kiddies back at school next week, so I shall get into week 3 whole heartedly. That does not mean that I have been resting on my laurels the past few days, I am still trying to be "mindful" of everyday activities and be more "aware" of happenings, events etc.. so the time has not been wasted.
On a slight downer, for me at least, is the dreaded parental visit and with that arguing, arguing and more arguing. Between two grownup people who have been married for 45 odd years. Can't stand it. But I am able to cope with the venomous relationship between my parents in a much better way than I used to, thanks to the words of wisdom that Mr T gave me way back last year, at session 6 or 7 of the therapy. Every time a argument starts, I am able to remove myself from the situation and remind myself that it is their relationship, not mine, that nothing I can do or say will change anything. Still hurts mind you, still tears every fibre of my body, still have nightmares about it. But more bearable. Less stressful. Thank you Mr T. And thank you to my amazingly patient hubby who is always there to comfort me, without whom I couldn't cope.
Ta ta for now. will report on week three of program which includes yoga and more mindfulness.
Best investment I ever made, this book is.
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