Tuesday, 28 February 2012

blah blah blah

A mish mash of just thoughts which have gone through my head over last few days.

Today would have been therapy day and therapy not ended, as it had gone twice monthly as opposed to weekly. But now, and I realise I have already harped on about this, I need to rely on myself to get well. And books. And friends. (until they get bored lol). Feels a bit strange to not have a one to one meeting after months and months of therapy. Still, tis a good thing I suppose as it means that I should have tools to not need any more one to one counselling. Yep, it is a good thing. it really is :)

Been a good girl this week: been exercising 5 days out of 7, healthy eating (keeping log of food eaten and calorie counting), and feeling OK.

Just so hard some days. No more excuse to feel down so when bad days come (far fewer than before which is very positive, I realise) there still remains a sense of failing oneself, failing friends, family etc....

When the weight loss stalls the sense of shame prevails over that of pride that stamina and fitness is improving. Weight is visible to all of course, whereas stamina, fitness and mental well being is invisible. So to the outsider it might seem as no progress in happening. I know it is, just want the rest of the world to know. Because if no one else knows then that means, on bad days, that I have let all my friends and family down. BUT, on good days (maybe 4 or  out of 7??) I am now able to focus on the invisible, I can focus on the fact that I am on the road to recovery. (sounds so cliche doesn't it?)

Ah well, might go for walk tomorrow as not too keen on the classes on offer on Wednesdays. note to self: make it a mindful walk. (be aware of body, sounds blah blah bah.....) (blah blah is not negative, just far to long a list to mention everything)

oh yes, I also need to do a "eating a raisin in a mindful way" !!! Will report back on this fun exercise in a few days.

Well, I really am a barrel of laughs today, aren't I?? Think I need to add some jokes to make this a bit less tedious !!

take care each and everyone

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