Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Last CBT session...

Well, this is it. After 20 sessions which were mostly weekly but occasionally fortnightly, the end has come. Not sure whether "end" is the right word mind you, I suppose "beginning" might be more appropriate. Yes, therapy has ended, but that means the start of being my own therapist, the start of putting into practise all the methods that I have learned over the last few months. It means no longer relying on a health professional but relying on me, myself and I. Thankfully I not only have all the notes that I took during the sessions but also some fantastic books which were recommended to me and which are mostly CBT based. I have to acknowledge the professionalism and dedication of Mr T. A previous short spell of counselling a few years back were not particularly successful due to my complete lack of connection with the counsellor whom I felt was cold, withdrawn and uninterested and who tried to put word into my mouth. Mr T, however, has never done this, and for me there does need to be a certain amount of connection with the therapist as well as complete trust, the same that you should have for your GP. The good news where I am concerned is that there is a 3 month checkup should I need it, and also the possibility of renewing the sessions a few months down the road should depression and or social anxiety rear its ugly head again. But that, I hope, won't happen. I would like to think that 20 hours of therapy have been sufficient in making me healthy person mentally. I now possess all the tools needed to conquer my fears, uncertainties, lack of confidence... the rest is up to me. Being able to confide your deepest fears and real self to someone has been useful. Friends and family are of course great, but they shouldn't have to be forced into listening to your woes, and of course some issues are too deep seated to be able to explain to anyone other than a professional. Anyway, enough about therapy, it is the future that now counts, and only one person can change my future: me: I am the now who now needs to go to the gym, eat healthily, and be aware of the functioning of my brain. I am the one who needs to listen to my body and, should I feel the darkness beginning to reappear in my life, I am the one who will need to take the necessary actions to stop it. I have the tools, I just need the strength now.

Onwards and upwards: new body, new mind, new career. All of these lie ahead. I can't wait. I think. I hope.

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